


Shofar Shogood.

by Lanna Michaels (lannamichaels)



Category: Marvel Avengers Movies Universe, The Avengers (2012), Thor (2011)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Religion Changes, Crack, Elul, Gen, Jewish AU, Judaism, Rosh Hashana, Shameless, Short, Tishrei
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-09-19
Updated: 2012-09-19
Packaged: 2017-11-14 14:12:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 486
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/516069
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lannamichaels/pseuds/Lanna%20Michaels
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tony has a very magnificent horn.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Shofar Shogood.

**Author's Note:**

> I continue to have no excuses [for](http://archiveofourown.org/works/114384) [these](http://archiveofourown.org/works/263415), happy Tishrei.

1.

The Hulk roars.

From somewhere above them, the wiseass in the metal suit calls, "tekiah!"

The Hulk roars again obligingly.

Coulson rolls his eyes. "It's like a kindergarten around here," he sighs.

 

2.

Of course Steve goes around to everyone individually to sincerely ask forgiveness. Of course. They should have seen this coming. (Bruce did see it coming, but it's funnier to not warn anyone. Damn it, Bruce.)

Clint gets as far as his second sentence about why the shit Steve's done is unforgivable before putting his own hand over his mouth and nodding his head up and down.

"No, you're right," Clint says, patting Steve on the shoulder. "Yes. Exactly. You're sorry, I'm sorry, the whole damn world's sorry, and we get over it and move on. And, hey, this shtick's getting stale, right? So let's forgive and forget and did I mention _completely forget_?"

Steve nods, then helps Clint get drunk and forget all about forgetting about it.

 

3.

"My first crisis of faith was Unesana Tokef," Jane says. "Crazy, right? But it puts it all right there. Teshuva, tefila, and tzedaka, And it's such bullshit. It's saying, if you die, it's _your fault_ , because you should have done it better last year. But you didn't, so you're dead. Blaming someone for being the reason they died is so assholic. It's like all that positive thinking bullshit. Death doesn't care how happy you are. It doesn't care that you're a good person and repent of all the crap you've done and pray a lot and give to every charity you find. Death doesn't give a fuck. Death just kills you. _Life_ just kills you. Everybody's going to die and that's inevitable! It doesn't matter how good a person you are, you're still going to die. Putting it out there that, hey, you could cheat it if you're good enough, that's just bullshit."

"Jane--"

"I know, I know," Jane brushes her away, "but I was a kid, okay? And it just broke me open, hearing that. Talk about confusing correlation with causation. Bad people die, but they don't die because they're bad! They die because they're people! So shut up about all this crap!"

"Oh, sweetheart," Darcy says, and hugs her tight.

 

4.

Natasha eats a sheep's head to make a point.

No one dares to ask her what that point is.

 

5.

"Tony has a very magnificent horn!" Thor says.

There is a long pause.

"Even I don't want to touch that," Darcy says, awed.

"What, Tony's horn?" Clint asks. "Me neither."

Thor frowns at them. This is going to become an intergalactic incident any minute now.

"I only blow circumcised horns," Bruce says with gravity and a completely expressionless face.

"Yeah, sorry, Tony, your shofar's gotta be cut to cut it," Steve agrees.

"I hate you all," Tony says. "Except Thor. I love you, man. You can blow my horn any day."


End file.
